Please click on each MYTH to view the TRUTH.
Truth: While it is true that a biological parent holds tremendous love for their child, it is not a matter of biology. It is not inherited. An adoptive couple’s love for your a child is the result of a lot of effort and desire to be a parent. Adoptive parents have a true love and devotion to the child they adopt because they realize what a blessing it is to have a child in their lives. “Our children can learn that…the concept of ‘family’ does not rest solely on biology. They can learn that love transcends many artificial boundaries frequently put into place by humans. They can learn that closing one door can open another door and another and another”…Caroline Harding, adoptive mother (Adoption-Is Another Word for Love, 2000).
Truth: A mother who unselfishly creates an adoption plan for her child is placing her child’s best interest above her own. It is an ultimate sacrifice for a mother to choose life for her child and realize what is best for her child. Adoption is a caring and responsible process that is as natural and loving as parenting.
Truth: Birth parents design their own unique adoption plan, allowing them to share as little or as much information as they desire about themselves and their decision. Birth parents give their child the gift of life, and put their child’s needs first. This will be explained to the child as he or she gets older by their adoptive parents.
Today, most adopted children love and respect their birth parents for the selfless decision they made, which provided them with the best life possible.
Think about it: A child who grows up with loving parents, a comfortable and safe home, a good education and is provided opportunities to use their gifts and talents is going to be a pretty happy kid. These children come to understand and respect the decision their birth parents made.
This concern is mostly likely a product of adoptions prior to the 1980’s, which emotionally scarred some adopted children because they weren’t told of their adoption properly. Since adoption has opened up over the past 30 years, today’s adopted children, adolescents and adults generally have positive feelings about their adoption.
Truth: Adoption requires a strong and responsible person. Birth Parents should not feel guilty for considering adoption or think of parenting as a deserved punishment for their unplanned pregnancy. Making the choice for their child to be raised in an environment that can provide the things they are not able to at that time is very brave and responsible.
Truth: Adopted children do as well as or better than their non-adopted counterparts. A 1994 study by the Search Institute examining adopted adolescents concluded some of the following facts: Adopted children score higher than their middle-class peers on indicators of school performance and social competence. Adopted adolescents generally are less depressed than children of single parents and are less involved in alcohol abuse, vandalism, fighting, police trouble, use of weapons, and theft. On health measures, adopted children score higher than children raised by single parents. Compared with the general child population, children placed with adoptive couples are better off economically and adoptive parents are less likely to divorce. (Taken from Adoption: The Best Option by Patrick Fagan)
Truth: This has been true in the past when all adoptions were closed and the child was taken from the birth mother and she had to live the rest of her life never knowing what became of her child. Today, birth parents can create their own adoption plan which makes it possible for them to select their child’s adoptive parents and meet them. Birth parents can choose to stay in touch while their child is growing up by receiving pictures and letters. This can ensure that they made the right decision for their child. Open adoptions even allow birth parents to stay in touch with phone calls and possibly even occasional visits.
Truth: If they wish, birth parents can choose and meet the family that will adopt their baby. It is very important for them to get to know the family they have chosen before proceeding with the adoption, although not mandatory. Getting to know each other ensures that it is a good match and that both families share the same goals.
Here are some ways in which birth parents can get to know the adoptive parents:
- Conference Calls: A phone conversation between birth parents and the adoptive family with an adoption professional being present on the call as well.
- Email Exchange/Text Messaging: A popular way to quickly ask questions or provide updates without having to call one another.
- Visits: An in-person meeting between the birth parents and the adoptive parents.
Truth: This is a decision that birth parents make. It is not made for them. They may hold and spend time with their child after birth if they choose to.
Truth: Birth mothers who understand that the adoption decision gives their baby a stable future of opportunity and love, will live the rest of their lives knowing they’ve given their baby a very special gift. Most often, birthparents find peace in their decision. This often happens as a result of contact they have with the adoptive family that allows them to see their child thriving and growing.
Truth: When a birth mother chooses adoption:
- She will have more opportunity to live a stable life.
- She will have a much better chance of a successful and happy marriage.
- She is much less likely to live in poverty.
- She will be much more likely to complete her education and have a good job.
Truth: With an abortion, the pain of deep regret may continue for a lifetime. Adoption, when understood correctly, is initially painful but is then followed by a lifetime of satisfaction for having created a plan for a wonderful life for their child.
With abortion, the relationship with that child ends permanently, which can result in a lifetime of regret. With adoption, the woman can watch her child thrive and grow.
Truth: Birth mothers are brave women who selflessly place the futures of their children ahead of their own immediate circumstances. The thoughts they experience in the future are about the good and positive life they have given their child.
Truth: On virtually every measurement of social success and happiness, the advantage goes to adoption! The adopted child is:
- more likely to finish school.
- less likely to be delinquent.
- more likely to have a better job.
- more likely to have a stable marriage.
- less likely to live in poverty than if the child were raised in a single parent
Truth: The baby almost always goes straight home with the family from the hospital. Only in rare instances, for example, when a birth mother is unsure of her decision after birth, would the child go into an interim care situation of temporary foster care until the birth mother has decided to parent or place the child for adoption.
Truth: Responsible parents ensure that all of their child’s social, emotional, and financial needs are met by whatever means necessary. Deciding that adoption best meets a child’s needs is not shameful; it is an honorable, difficult, and loving choice.
Truth: Birthfathers are very important in the adoption planning process. The birthfather’s needs and wishes are equally important. They will be respected and discussed in order to create a plan that is inclusive to all parties involved. His parental rights need to be terminated in an adoption plan as well as the birth mother’s.
Truth: Birthparents can receive pictures and updates concerning their child after the placement for as long and as frequent as they desire. These are all things that are agreed upon between the birth parents and the adoptive family ahead of time while making an adoption plan.
Truth: Adoptive parents go through a very comprehensive and lengthy approval process called a home study before an adopted child can be placed in the home of an adoptive family. Even after placement, visits from a social worker are required before the adoption can be finalized. All of this is to ensure the health and well-being of the child. There are countless, beautiful success stories that don’t get attention in the media like the very rare, difficult situations that fuel this myth.
Truth: There are many strong, loving families ready and waiting, today, to adopt an infant in the US. Some families have been waiting for months and even years. There are families able to bring children into their home from any kind of background and with any kind of need.